Tuesday, June 28, 2011

"It's obvious Dad can no longer care for Mom by himself. How can we get him to accept the fact he needs help?"

Caring for a family member with Alzheimer's can be overwhelming, especially for someone whose own abilities may be in decline.  Yet telling your Dad he needs help can cause resentment.  Put yourself in his shoes and the reason may become clearer.

Chances are your parents lived their adult lives making their own decisions.  Now, because of circumstances beyond their control, their independence is slipping away.  That's hard to accept.  So despite your good intentions, your Dad hears suggestions to get help as criticism, confirmation that he's no longer able to meet his "responsibilities."

The best advice is to try to see the world through his eyes.  Offer suggestions instead of "orders."  Avoid language he might perceive as criticism.  If he has friends in similar circumstances, ask how they're doing.  Emphasize the positive, that getting help probably made their lives better.  Plant ideas that allow our Dad to reach the right conclusion on his own.  But take it slow.  Suggest that checking into help now might make it easier "down the road," in case the time would come he couldn't care for Mom.

Doug Stark, President, ComfortCare Homes (This article featured in the Wichita Eagle, June 28, 2011)